ficlet: The Earth Years: Nine [Mass Effect | Ella Shepard]

[Millijana]

Ein weiterer Teil aus Ella's Hintergrundgeschichte.
Diemal ist Ella erst neun.
an dieser Stelle macht es eventuell auch Sinn eine Triggerwarnung für häusliche Gewalt und Kindesmisshandlung zu setzen. Es ist nicht wirklich beschrieben, aber ich weiß, dass es für jemanden, der persönlich betroffen ist ausreichen könnte.July

Three days have passed since she’d left. That is one more day than normally.
She knows her Mom sometimes vanishes for a day or two, but never more. Except this time. She is afraid something had happened to her.
“Dad? Where is Mom?” she’d asked him earlier today.
He’d just grunted and taken another swig from his bottle. He doesn’t talk much to her. She wonders why that is so, but since it had always been that way, she doesn’t wonder too much. What bothers her more is the question if he doesn’t miss Mom. She surely does. She feels pretty alone.
The last fight between her parents had been louder than normal. Her headphones hadn’t even been able to drown it. Then Mom had left and it all went quiet. And it still is, for three whole days now.
So she had started to tidy up their tiny apartment. Throwing away the broken things, putting things back where they belonged, while Daddy slept it off before he got drunk again.
He doesn’t even care if she goes to school. Since yesterday she wonders if he actually cares for her in any way, or her mother.
But Ella does. She’s afraid Mom has left them for good. Doesn’t she love her anymore? Has she done something wrong? She feels left alone and forgotten.
But she has to handle this. She’s not the little girl anymore. She’s watched her mother well enough to manage most of the stuff. Cooking and shopping will be a bit tricky, but she wishes to make Mom proud, so she’ll find a way to get things done. She has to be strong for both of them.


August

School had called on Friday. They have wondered what’s up with Ella that she’d missed school for three weeks now. Dad got angry. But the bruises are fading already. And the ache in her heart will fade, too. It just takes a little bit longer than her arm and her jaw.

August, later
She had hoped it would get better if she would go to school again. But it didn’t. For some time it had been okay. He had gone back to mostly ignore her or sleeping his jag off. But then his anger came back.
Sometimes she wakes up at night hearing him shouting and throwing stuff against the wall. She never gets up. She stays under her blanket and hopes it will end soon. She wishes her mom would come back; just to tell her everything will be fine, like she had done so many times before.
But she hasn’t come back. Ella had gone to the police to report her disappearance, but they had just sent Ella back home. Someone like her mother would possibly never come back. Slum inhabitants tend to disappear. Emilia Shepard was another victim of prostitution and drugs to them; nothing more. Not even a real human being. Not worthy enough.
In those nights, when her father is at full rage, she wonders why her Mom had chosen her Dad. Why she’d fallen in love with him. Ella had never seen him do anything nice to her. He either is normal, almost distant or he is angry and brutal. That is when he’s not sleeping.

October

She has given up. She is pretty sure Mom is too afraid to come back home and Ella understands her. She tries most of the time to have everything finished before he wakes up and then hide in her room making no sound to catch his attention.
Her arm is itching under the cast. Dad had pushed her really hard into the cabinet and she’d broken her ulnar with her attempt to catch herself. The Doc on the e.r. said there would be scar on her cheek. He said he was really sorry, but he could not help her better, because they had no insurance. Ella is not afraid of the scar.
She’s more afraid what he’ll do next.

March

He’s in hospital. He had some accident while being drunk. She’s visited him once. She feels bad because she hasn’t visited him more often, but on the other hand she is afraid all the people at the hospital would see what a disappointing daughter she is.
They possibly already think bad of her, because she doesn’t come more often. And she is afraid of their glances. She had seen it in their eyes during her only visit.
What a poor man; has to drink because this shameful thing is his daughter. She doesn’t wanna embarrass him any more than she does every day.
She better gets the apartment cleaned before he returns. At least one thing she’s good at. Cleaning.


April

Just a few more minutes and she would turn ten. He has left an hour ago and Ella is alone. She likes it that way lately.
Being alone means no one can shout at her, or make fun of her. It’s quiet and friendly when she is alone. Sometimes she sings to herself, like Mom did when she was still there.
Ella still misses her. It’s been nearly a year. She had tried not to hope anymore for Mom’s return, but today her only wish is to have her back. She wishes there would be someone who holds her when she is afraid or sad. Or have her breakfast prepared when she got up. Mom usually had left the house already, but her lunchbox had always been ready.
Someone who bakes her a cake and puts at least one candle on it, to make a wish; someone who lets her feel loved. But she has to carry on. Crying would not help her. She has to be strong and a big girl.
It will get better over time, she tells herself. But she doesn’t really believe it.