Sun Tzu? Von Clausewitz? Alles Nappelz!


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Ich hab mir mal die Mühe gemacht, auf dem Badlands-Server einen guide zu verfassen, der eigentlich die pure Verarsche ist. Die Idee war es, das typische "mindset" des Badlands-T1-Spielers zu portraitieren und persiflieren - und zwar in Form eines "guides". Hab mich gefragt, wie so ein guide aussehen könnte, bei dessen Lektüre und nachfolgender Umsetzung genau dieser Hirntot-Spielertyp rauskommen könnte.

Und was machen die Amis? Die nehmen das Ding ernst und kritteln an einzelnen Punkten rum! Echt erstaunlich...

Das ganze ist leider auf Englisch, Schreiben hat schon ne Stunde gedauert, fürs Übersetzen binsch zu faul
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So, büdde, für den geneigten Leser...

Ahoy, traveller. Come on in. Have a seat and for the LOVE OF VALAYA GET THOSE SHOES OFF MY CARPET!

Now, that's better. Cookies? Tea? Ah, but I see in your eyes that you have come for something entirely different. Don't guffawk at me like that, I have seen many a promising hero in my days. Been an Ironbreaker once, and as you can see, this fine dwarven body never broke. Many greenskin choppas did, as did their owners, but these are other stories. I imagine you would want to write quite some tales of your own 'efore you are done drawing breath, eh? Perhaps even carve out some legacy, something for the bards, skalds and minstrels to sing about for ages to come. Ye've come to the right place for that.

Now, listen up, since I don't have all day. I'll tell you my secrets about waging a war, and I'll make it easy for you in that I will pre-apply them to the war campaign you are involved in, the assault of the unholy alliance invading our lands. I'll have quite a bit to say, so better grab a sheet of parchment or two and a trusted pen. And without much ado, here goes:


War between Order and Chaos is waged in four distinct areas, divided by the character rank (=level in other MMOs and many offline titles). These distinct areas which consist of several zones commonly go by the name TIERS. Tier 1 is where the action starts, and encompasses ranks 1 through 11. Later tiers shall not bother us. Why, you ask? Simple: The soldiers Order has in the higher tiers have been waging a war for quite some time. They are DEADLY. Same goes for the Destruction guys.
So our secret goal shall be to get as much of our opposition into T2 as possible so we can absolutely dominate T1. Don't worry, our more experienced soldiers will relish the fodder. And once we got them into T2, there's no coming back. You cannot lose ranks, ever. Emskrank will be in Order's possession for all eternity - oh, Emskrank? Will talk about it in more detail lateron. Suffice to say: it's the orange bordered area in the upper center of the Nordland map. Can't miss it.
Well, you can, and chances are you will, but you can always ask others. Just be sure to use proper capitalization to emphasize the importance and urgency of your request, and repeat your question every 3 seconds at least so it doesn't get lost.

But all that, as I said, is a thing of the future. First of all, you gotta decide who you wanna be. And that leads us to:


As a staunch soldier of the alliance of Order, you get to choose between the humans of the Empire, the High Elves and the stout dwarves. Each race has 4 classes available that fall into one of these four categories: ranged dps, meelee dps, tanks, healers. I will discuss every class and why you should/should not pick it.

Starting with

1. The Empire

The Empire is the central faction of the alliance. Its capital Altdorf is the only capital the Order has. Humans of the Empire can become Bright Wizards, Knights of the Blazing Shield, Witch Hunters and Warrior Priests of Sigmar. They can become a lot of other things too, but Mythic saw it fit to castrate lore and....well, doesn't matter now.

1.1. Knights of the Blazing Shield
Knights of the Blazing Shield (KotBS, usually) are a tank class, specifically, an aura tank class, meaning they "radiate" zones of buf****e/debuf****e. You shouldn't pick this class. The reason is simple. Tanks have more armour and hitpoints than other classes, but they don't deal as much damage, and as we all know, damage is what kills the enemy. On the off chance you are SO enamored with feathers and frills, here are some pointers:

* Your most important stat is Strength. It defines how much damage you deal. Won't be that much really, but still - you have been warned. A close second is weapon skill. It also allows you to deal damage, just not as much as strength. The rest of the stats is useless. Remember: Damage is king.

* At rank 10, you will get an ability called "guard". This can be put on a groupmember, and from then on, half of the damage that groupmember eats gets transferred to you instead. DON'T USE THIS ABILITY. Really, why would you? You don't want to take damage, or you might die. You want to deal damage.

* You will get three "auras", abilities that radiate a buff in 100ft around you and a corresponding debuff in 30 ft around you. Really now, you only need the strength aura. Strength is damage, remember? Some people will talk about "twisting", but don't be deceived: They don't know the first thing about damage.

* You do not deal as much damage as nearly everybody else, so you should definitely not be the first to run at the enemy. A real class dealing more damage is way more terrifying!

* You will get a shield at the start of your career. Shields don't deal damage. Drop the shield immediately and grab the first two handed sword you find and stick with twohanders. Why? WHY? Guess why: Twohanders are friggin' larger than onehanders. Guess what they deal more of? That's right: DAMAGE

1.2. Witch Hunters
Witch Hunters are a good choice for everybody, because they deal a lot of damage. They are a meelee class and wear light armour, which is especially good since the enemy will notice how brave you are and be intimidated. Some pointers for the Witch Hunter class:

* Always run into the enemy first. Really, This is important. You are - with the slayer and to a lesser degree the white lion - the most terrifying foe the Destruction has, so USE THE FEAR YOU EVOKE!

* You get a skill called "torment". It bypasses all armor when used form behind. What has the most armor? Tanks. So you are there to kill tanks. Ignore all other targets and hit tanks first. Torment them again and again, and if a Destruction healer heals them: Yay, you get to deal even more damage! Win!

* Your most important stat is Dexterity, since you are agile and swift. But this game has no dexterity. So use Ballistic skill since you got a gun. Some people will tell you to boost strength, but they are stupid: You carry a rapier and a gun, both weapons of precision and grace - it doesn't matter how strong you are!

* You actually get "charges" called accusations by using torment. You can use these to launch special attacks, but they don't bypass armor. And you need to kill tanks. So just use torment. Besides, it's easier that way to do DAMAGE!

1.3. Bright Wizards
Bright wizards are a feared class, and rightfully so. They have the ability to unleash frightening amounts of damage. They are labeled as a ranged class, though, and only wear cloth, so the enemy might think you are a sissy, daring you to disprove them. Wizard tips and tricks:

* As has been mentioned, you come across as a sissie. Or at least, you might. So what you do is the following: Find a target, preferrably a meelee fighter, and run right up to them, then stand perfectly still and start chucking balls of fire into their face. Noone will call you sissie anymore. BURN! ...and if they charge you? Even better. Skip the hard movement part and start chucking fireballs right off the bat. Just don't move because it cancels your cast, and not casting = no DAMAGE!

* You have got a class mechanic called combustion. Everytime you cast a spell, you get more combustion, basically, and the more you have, the more DAMAGE you do. You also have a chance to deal damage to you, and the higher your combustion is, the higher that damage gets as well. So even MORE DAMAGE FOR FREE! WIN! And if you die from your damage? So WHAT? Noone dies for real in this game, get over it already and continue to DAMAGE!

* For targetting: just hit tab once, it autotargets the nearest target. Then immediately start casting. Losing time = losing damage. Just let those fireballs fly and Sigmar sort them out

1.4. Warrior Priests
This class is deceiving, since it is called a meelee healer, but it is still a very good class and can deal a lot of damage. You get medium robes, which is like medium armor, and a two-handed hammer. The healing you can do is there to keep you going longer so you can deal more damage. Don't waste your healing on others. If they die, that means you get the opportunity to deal more damage, and damage is good.

* There are one handed-hammers in the game as well as "tomes", both of which can replace your trusted oversized peacebringer. But: You won't use them. A two-handed hammer deals more of what by virtue of being heavier? Yeah, you already know a lot, see? DAMAGE!

* You do not heal with your acton points but use Righteous Fury. The 250 you have should be enough to keep you going, and they refill by dealing DAMAGE in meelee. So practically, you are immortal, and should play as such. Five destruction players are a challenge. Imagine the DAMAGE you'll do when you crush them all, so jump into the fray! Sigmar will protect thee. Besides, Sigmar is a sucker for DAMAGE!

* At level 10 you can rez people. Don't do that in fights, it takes a LOT of time, and during rez, you cannot do damage. Exception: Someone is charging you, and you want to hit their backs so they block and dodge less and you deal more damage. In that case rez, but DON'T HEAL the rezzed person. Chances are they will pick the freshly raised as a target - who will be standing around dumbfounded and useless anyways and not deal damage - and you can go to town on their backs.

* Your most important stat is STRENGTH as it will allow you to deal more DAMAGE.

2, The Dwarves

2.1. Ironbreakers
The Ironbreaker is the Dwarven Tank class - as such, it is not a recommended class. However, should you want to take an Ironbreaker, to deal damage you got to know how "Grudge" works. Basically, you get more grudges the more you get hit. The more grudges you have, the harder some of your abilities hit, most notably "heavy blow".

* As always, use a two-hander. Axes Or Hammers, both are fine.

* Your most important stat is STRENGTH and then WEAPONSKILL. Both help damage, strength more so than weaponskill.

* You get an ability called oathfriend. Always put this on someone who is being hit, because people hitting your oathfriend give you grudges as if they were hitting you and grudges = damage.

* You get the same "guard" ability the KotBS gets, and you as well don't EVER...well, actually, you can use it if you really are good. If your grudge is low, wait who's being hit, pop both guard and oathfriend on them and watch these grudges soar. SRIOIUS DMG INC!!1! Just be sure to turn it off when at or near full grudges (100), you still get damage, and damage can kill you, and you don't deal damage when dead.

* Like the KotBS, don't run in first, people don't fear you as much as WH or Slayers. Instead, follow them and use oathfriend (and if applicable guard)

* Don't use the blow that boosts your toughness. One, it deals low damage by itself. Two, it boosts toughness, and toughness doesn't boost damage. Three, it costs grudges, and grudges = damage. IT'S A TRAP!!!!

2.2. Slayers
Slayers are a very good class that deals high meelee damage. They are also not as hard as other classes like the Bright Wizard. They wear medium armor, although that really is only fat...errm, muscles. Rock hard muscles. Slayers are positively brawny.

* Slayers can either use two weapons or a single big one. Do whatever strikes your fancy, both deal equal amounts of DAMAGE.

* Your class mechanic is actually a speed-o-meter. The longer you are in combat, the faster your damage train gets. You want it in the high regions, of course. In the red area, you get less armor and resists (as if you care - Slayers technically WANT to die after all) and more crits doing higher crit damage. So naturally, you want the needle in the red, period. There are attacks the reduce your speed-o-meter to dead zero. These attacks literally are brakes to your damage. Don't use them! TRAP!

* It can be hard to get into the red zone. Here's a pro tip. Follow some other fearsome class like a witch hunter or a white lion so they get hit, whack something over the head once and immediately disengage. Run around in circles until your speed-o-meter is ready, then let loose.

* Your best skill is flurry. It hits a lot of people, so always use it. You can even use it against one person so you don't have to worry about choosing the right skill at the right time and stop attacking in your confusion. Everybody unterstands, since this game is hard.

2.3. Engineers
Engineers aren't that good a class since they are hard. You have to choose between a lot of abilities. They are labeled as "defensive" ranged dps - RED LIGHT. DEFENSIVE MEANS NO DAMAGE!!!! But relax, they do ALOT of damage, but you got to know what to do. Fear not, I'll tell you:

* You only wear light armour, so as with the Bright Wizard, people may think you are a sissy. But you not only carry a badass rifle/shotgun hybrid and mounted flamethrowers, you also lug around a huge spanner. If you think someone might consider you a sissy just now, whip out that spanner and go to town with spanner swipe. That's gonna teach 'em.

* Not all people read guides. A lot of people are noobs and use something called "crowd control" by which they freeze or disable enemies instead of doing damage to them. You can prevent that, and even better, you automatically do so when you do as much damage as possible (see below)

* Maximum damage for an Engineer is awesome but hard. You want as many enemies as tightly together as possible. Then, run up to them (You are NO SISSIE, remember?) and: throw an Acid Bomb when possible. Continue running, and when you can use your next skill, toss a friction at them. You should now be anywhere from 15 to 10 feet of go to town: Shotgun, Shotgun, Shotgun. Squeeze that trigger until your AP are gone, chuck an AP potion if you have one. Then, flee. Use your pitiful atuoattack while your AP recharge. Rinse and repeat. This is very hard and requires a lot of practice but deals more damage than anyone else can do.

* Forget all other skills like gun blast, THEY'RE A TRAP! Only use them until you got the good ones!

* Your first motale ability at rank 8 is wonderful: it knocks people back. Use it whenever possible because a) it deals damage,
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it is special and a morale ability which means it must be good and c) it is hilarious. If you happen to knock someone away from a meelee dps about to finish him and the near dead gets healed, WIN! You get to do more damage!

* What turret to use? Are you serious? Okay, which of the following, if given the free choice, would you NOT bring to an urban brawl: a grendade launcher, a flamethrower or a single-shot pistol. Yeah, thought so. Forget the gun turret.

* Your most important stat is Ballistic skill. Weapon skill is also good for the shotgun, and strength for dealing damage with a spanner!

2.4. Runepriests
Runepriests are not a very good class. They deal very low damage - perhaps even the lowest damage in the game. Plus, they wear robes that make you look like a fat, jolly (or grumpy, depending on facial features) Santa. If you REALLY want to play that for whatever reason, keep the following in mind:

* Always, always, always keep our damage selfbuff up. As well, buff yourself and every groupmember with oathrune of power because it increases damage. If there is more than one Runepriest, the other Oathrune is not important, because it adds only resists.

* DO NOT TURN YOUR NEW DAMAGEBUFF OFF!!! For one, your hands glow shiny yellow, which makes you appear far more awesome than you really are - and it takes 20 seconds until you can reactivate the buff, meaning you will deal even less damage than with the buff. Even if you are about to die and have to heal yourself, don't turn it off. Else, you might forget to turn it back on and deal no damage for the rest of the day!

* Don't rez people in combat. This kills your dps dead!

* Your most important stat is INTELLIGENCE. Also, Willpower is ok if it is either directly on items or on a talisman since these get converted into int from our selfbuff (if you don't forget to turn it on!). Other forms of Willpower such as potions or renown skills are not converted and useless.

* For maximum damage, you have to keep rune of Immolation on everything, which is hard. You have to keep track mentally of what is burning and for how long. You can simply click the following (put rune of immolation on position 2 on your hotbar, and position 1 and 3 just to be sure) TAB - 2 - TAB - 2 - TAB - 2 - TAB - 2 which is hard because sometimes tab will not reach far enough and send you back to the closest target. If everything is immolated, and you got time to spare, use Rune of Striking. It deals more damage than Rune of FIre

* Rune of Fire is useful. If while TABbing, you happen to find an enemy in your target window that is nearly dead, hammer the rune of fire key IMMEDIATELY: This will gain you a killing blow. Having a lot of killing blows in a scenario statistic makes others admire your skills which is good. But be warned: This is hard and requires practice!

3. The High Elves

Swordmasters are a tank class and as such not a very good choice for reasons you should already know. Swordmasters carry around a twohanded sword from the beginning which makes sense since they aren't called Shieldmasters, so if you want to play one, never equip a shield.

* You have got a guard ability like all other tanks. Only you have zero reason for ever using it

* Your best attack is ensorcelled blade which you get straight from the beginning. It deals spirit damage which means it cuts through armor. So your target are tanks. Just pick one and hammer away. Only using your best attack also makes for a very clean and orderly hotbar.

* Your best Stat is Strength. Unlike with other tanks, weaponskill for you is a formidable stinker - ensorcelled blade doesn't care about armor anyways!

* Swordmasters would be hard because they have a "stance"-system where you can only do certain attacks if you did certain other attacks before them. Luckily, you don't have to deal with that since you can spam ensorcelled blade for (relatively) good DAMAGE.

3.2. White Lions
White Lions are a decent class. They are a meelee dps class with a pet. Controlling the pet is hard, however, so beware and only roll a white lion if you are up for a challenge!

* Your best stat is Strength because, you guessed it, that oversized butcher's cleaver you are lugging around is heavy. Also, weaponskill is not half bad.

* Your lion is dumb - however, people know just how terribad the AI and mobpathing in the game are, so whenever you f*ck up, blame it on the lion. Noone will blame you, even if you wipe your group - you may even get tells offering their sympathy. To ensure that "the lion and Mythic along with it" are to blame for whatever clusterf*ck you come up with, toss random curse lines directed at the lion into party/warband/scenario/RvR-channel every now and then at random intervals.

* Getting the lion to attack can be hard, and if you leave it at defensive, it will wait until after you have initiated combat - set it to aggressive, and you never need to worry about it again.

* When an opponent is fleeing towards some of the level 55 guards at warcamps or scenario spawnpoints, SIC YOUR LION ON THEM INSTANTLY. This pulls the guard and gives you a shot at a really really glorious fight.

* It can be beneficial to not call the lion. THis is a case of reverse psychology, a veiled threat which people will fear. A white lion equals a lion pet, but where is it...they will look around for it and not find it. That kind of uncertainty can be decisive, and when they keyboardturn around to look for your pet, hit them with blindside.- you should also take the time to comment on that occasion by saying or even shouting "BAM!". This will further disorient and terrify them.

3.3. Shadow Warriors
Shadow Warriors really are a bad class. Not only do they deal low damage, but they are hard as well. For example, there are two totally different ways of playing them. And even if you are good, you deal less damage than a good class. You really should not roll one. Talking about how bad they are though is golden, a good way to make friends.

Okay, if you really want to play one, here's what you do - but keep in mind it is hard!

* Archer: Your best stat is ballistic skill and weapon skill is good as well. You enter scout stance by clicking on the left of the three stance buttons. Then, tab until you target an enemy, then spam eagle eye until you killed the sucker dead.

* Meelee: This one is harder!1 Your best stats are strength for hitting harder, and also weapon skill and ballistic skill (which gets turned into strength in assault stance). What you do as a meelee SW is get into assault stance by clicking the middle stance button once, tab until you get a target, run up to it and use Grim Slash until you killed it dead.

Both kinds of SW have a knockback morale ability which is just like the engineer one. Read about it there. But really: Stay away from this hard and bad class!

3.4. The Archmage
These guys are amazing., but they are somewhat hard to deal good damage with, which is very very possible though - although they misleadingly are labled as "healers".

* Your best stat is intelligence. Intelligence alone.

* Your class mechanic is tricksy. By casting damaging spells, you build up charges (5 max) that boost the nex healing spell by 5% per charge and are then consumed. 5% means 5% caster for spells with casttime and 5% efficiency for instant cast spells. You deal damage in combat, so your healing spells are boosted - might be useful if you have to heal yourself, but it still is "meh". However, if you run up to the enemy, you can cast your hot (Heal over time)-spell on yourself 5 times and your first DoT (Damage over time) will hit 25% harder which is good. Just don't try hotting others, as targetting is hard and you might not have all 5 charges up which costs you damage

* always have yourself targetted as secondary target. To make sure of that periodically press F1. The reason is that you want your lifeleeching damaging spells heal you so that you live longer and are able to deal more damage.

* Rezzing is a borderline issue for Archmages. We can instantly rez someone at rank 10 if we have been dealing damage enough for 5 stacks. You have to use good judgement there: normally, the global cooldown will not be worth it and you are better of dealing damage, but in special, rare cases you might find a reason to rez. Just be smart!

* If you like it complicated, you dot up every target you come across with law of conductivity, plus you toss the burning gaze at the target you guess will live the longest. If you like it simple with a little less damage, cast radiant lance a lot until you kill your target dead. Most AMs do that since dotting and tabbing is hard.

That covers all the classes available to you - choose wisely.

Now, what next you ask? Well, now....


After a boring introduction with a scary female voiceover, you find yourself in Grimmenhagen with an annoying tooltip window splashed across the screen and most likely a sea of orange where your chat channels are. Your first steps thusly are:

* Close the annoying tutorial window. Be sure to uncheck the checkbox to the lower left first! This makes sure you never again get bothered with those tutorial windows. Tutorials are for idiots anyways, and if you happen to have a question lateron - even if it's a fairly trivial one to the Warhammer cracks on the level of "how do I tie my shoelaces" - guess what, that's what the advice channel is for. People won't mind, and explaining things to the newer players is a sacred duty for the more experienced ones anyways. Oh, about /advice....

* Ignore the goldsellers one by one. This is important because else you won't see an answer to all your questions in /advice which forces you to ask them again. And again. And again. Not that the people will mind, but carpal tunnel is a serious risk. Safe Gaming, Bro!

* Oh, by the way, take down the address of the site of the goldseller you deem most trustworthy. Their rampant killin...errm, advertising spree suggests Mythic doesn't exactly attribute top priority to that violation of the EULA. Besides, everyone does it. So turn that pocket money you got into a weapon of epic proportions. HARR!

Now, it gets complicated. You have to follow the trail. Al the way. And: You have to do so without getting distracted by all the stuff on either side of or even in the middle of it. That's PvE junk. If you wanted that, you might as well play WoW. PvE sucks anyways and is for roleplayers and people unable to play anything more complicated than pong. Broadcast some random slander about PvE content and World of Warcraft now, at best in every channel you get your hands on (/t1 /1 /advice). This will have several noteworthy benefits:

* Many people will see you as a nice guy favouring the underdog and not afraid to do so publically. Great way to make friends for when you need someone to PL you or a guild. Mentioning having played DAoC before helps a lot too, even if you never heard about it.

* Someone invariably will rise to defend WoW. You will keep your mouth shut. Flaming will ensue anyways, and people love their daily flaming. They won't remember you started it if you keep that keister firmly clenched, but on a gut level, they will remember you being responsible for something fun. Psychology rawks!

Okay, so you introduced yourself to the server. Good job. Now for the way - it will lead you all the way north towards the Empire warcamp. Use "m" to find the big lonely road and follow it until you arrive at the orange stain in the upper center of the map - that's Emskrank, the place where gods of gaming are born.

Buuuut - before we get there, we are gonna do some scenarios. Scenarios are fun, and every Scenario has some sort of goal. Normally, it would be hard to learn them all and develop strategies, but Scenarios are only a pastime to make the boring trek through the PvE landscape bearable (it is that way for everybody, if they admit it or not, so you aren't doing anything wrong even if some oddball tells you.). Besides, they are easy if you know how.

* First, join the queue - click on the orange on blue warhammer symbol on the upper left side of your minimap. In the popup window, click "join all" since it doesn't really matter. Now, continue walking. Eventually...

* An invite Window will pop up, asking you if you want to join now or later, and a one minte timer ticking. If you feel like walking some more, or just blankly staring into space, you are welcome to do so, just wait until 3 or so seconds before the timer runs out, then click "in a minute" and then wait that minute - you'll be automatically joined to the battle. In the meantime, battle starts, and order will be one person short - but remember, Scenarios aren't serious or about winning or losing, even though an oddball might spam the /scenario channel and insult you. Just ignore them.

Wow, your first battle against the Horde - pardon, Destruction, is at hand. Are you excited? Understandable. You are about to become one of the legendary shining heroes of your imagination. ANd it isn't hard if you do the following:

* Follow everyone. If people stand still on a hill overlooking a vale and some ruins in the distance, just stand still as well, if they move, move.

* As soon as you see red names, press tab frantically. As soon as you acquire a target, lock onto that target like a goddamn heat seeking missile

* Now, it gets complicated, because if you are a meelee class, you have to move towards that target. Once you have reached it, or if you are a ranged class,

* Unload. Unload. Unload. You have been given like two skills. Pick one and spam it...You are the dog, and the enemy is the stick of wood, and he is in your jaws, and you are not gonna let loose. keep mashing that button until either he or you are dead. If he is dead first, tab and get the next stick...errm, opponent. And if you die? Well....

"HLAP! I DIEDZED DED AND AM ALONE! PEOPLES WILL NO I DONT NO MY WAY N LAFF @ ME!1!!!" I hear you scream. But don't fear. It can be unsettling at first, but here's what you do:

* With your arrow keys, move perfectly straight ahead until you hit a wall or a cliff. Then, use your right arrow key and turn exactly 90 degrees. Then march straight ahead until you hit a wall/chasm, rinse and repeat until you either see a green or red name...

* If it's a green name, follow them. If it's a red name, you know the routine. Tab, unload - this highly efficient and effective routine should become your mantra

* Don't worry. 90% of your Order teammates are just as clueless as you are - you won't stand out.

And that is it - doing scenarios on Order side. Not that big a myth now, is it? If you got a couple scenarios under your belt, you can watch the scoreboard with the routine and experience you already acquired making you jog through scenarios on cruise control. When Destruction reaches 300 and you are below or near 100, you can add some lines to the scenario channels, such as:

* General insults and profanity: "You people are retarded!" is a good one, as is a more courteous "Order sucks!" - either one will either result in silence in which case you missed - try again in the next scenario, noone will have noticed. Or a flamewar will start - in which case you fall silent again and watch the flames.

* Specific criticism. Dangerous. Lines like "Wow, do we even have healers?" work wonders, but take heed - if you play a class capable of self-healing, this might backfire horribly.

* If you are feeling insecure or afraid of violent social interation, you could as well roll with "Damn premades" which is very nice and will generate a lot of sympathy. It makes you appear like a seasoned Veteran all the other scrubs can look up to. And it will make them happy, for it reinforces what they always hoped was the case: All is well, nothing is their fault, it's an act of god. Some great friendship to be exploited lateron can grow from that.

And this is it, the big one, the great "E", also known as...


Emskrank is the open RvR area and the corwn and the jewels of T1 warfare against the Horde...errm, destruction. It is BIG and DAUNTING and literally CRAWLING with enemies. But do not fear - it's a simple place quite like the scenarios you played before - but this time, it's for real.

First thing is upon entering the RvR area - you instantly are made rank 11, and after 10 seconds, you are flagged, meaning you can kill and be killed. Fire up that LFG window (It's the three-guys-icon at the top of your screen). Click the nearby tab at the top. If there's a group that has RvR next to it, click join - the bigger the group the better. If it's a warband it's jackpot time. This has several advantages:

* Greater numbers equals greater damage equals greater win. It completely compensates for not targetting, assisting, CCing and all those other complicated and hard things the PROs want to do. They are not needed - just get more people, problem solved.

* You don't need to know the place . there are green dots on your map and minimap now - just pick the biggest concentration and stick as close as possible to the center of that cloud - from then on, just remain there and tab - unload whenever applicable.

* A simple /wb hi is sufficient, you need not ever say another word (nor should you) - there are enough babbling people on any warband for three times the size.

* At times, if you have not found any exploitable friends yet that might help you with your mount or lend you gold, you can use the chat channels. But beware - DON'T use "damn premades". This will give you away. IMPORTANT! Instead, use /wb (or /1) Damn twinks!

Okay, so that's the basics. Now, you ask, what IS Emskrank other than a giant Slugfest. At first glance, nothing. There are like three funky flags with weak NPC guards any full warband can defeat with just a few casualties. Don't try them alone, but then, you shouldn't be alone. A few things about flags:

* They can be clicked. Your toon gropes them. Actually understanding what these funky symbols on your map and minimap mean is hard because it's complicated, but luckily, there is no need for that.

* Whenever you come by one of the glowing totem poles, right click it. Then right click it again, just to be safe. If nothing happens, oh well, if everything around you changes, gratz, you got free renown and exp.

* Whenever your warband kills the guards at a flag, THEN it can be 100% clicked. a dead giveaway. Be sure to click it in the same split second the last guard breathes his last. There will be people who are not in range whom you enable to enjoy T1 for longer. It's really kinda selfless and caring.

And that's what is to it, really. Keep in mind that 95% of your Order colleagues are of the same knowledge as you or know even less about what they are doing. That makes you _skilled_. Wasn't so much work now, was it?
Disappointed? Don't worry, things will get more epic in T2, which you will see in about 3 to 4 months. Until then, I shall have another guide ready for the advanced hero-in-training that will pave your path through the treacherous straits that are T2 open RvR and the brimming and vibrant jungle of channels. Until then, good luck , and godspeed.

V. DISCLAIMER (Like, for real, now)

This guide has been written by me, and me alone. You may do with it whatever you want to. No, honestly, I really don't care
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Oh, and the lines about encouraging gold selling are 100% satirical. I am staunchly opposed to the practice and merely appeared to encourage it for satirical purposes. May all goldsellers and -buyers suffer from perma-linkdead and never in their lives be able to access the internet anymore. Scum. If you consider these lines to be actively encouraging buying and selling WAR gold, tell me and I shall at once remove them.
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